My last blog was in October...it did not sound so cheerio...it sounded ' try hard positive.' Of course, why wouldn't I sound that way? Things have yet to have its closure in Chris' matters. Wait, there was no November blog...I really did not feel like it. My focus was more on how Chris would go about adjusting day to day. After 13 big years in the CCF office, more often than not disregarding family schedules just to be able to meet his office obligations - because the biggies would not allow him to have leaves, understandably because of the nature of his work - Chris now had time in his hands...so to speak. And it was this kind of loose time that I got a bit worried about. Imagine him , all of a sudden, not having to wake up early , bathe and prepare for work, work throughout the day, then leave at whatever time he could leave, pick me up and then home. All that had ceased. There 's even more to it than just the daily grind...it is also all about one's daily purpose...all that had changed. I could only compare it to the kind of major change I ever experienced when my mom had passed on, and our daily grind had not only ceased, it had drastically changed.
So that was November and it had passed on really quick. At least on my end it did. Chris carried on well that I did not really notice how his end had carried on. He would always say 'all is well, okay, fine.' But I know it was not so easy. Having to pick me up daily at the office and see that humongous building, the CCF of men, the one building where all this began...the greed by people to be a star player , be a major part of its beginnings..might not have been easy. But he had to endure it. I did. Yet,the image keeps showing up, the words keep echoing, that even comforts me. Like I want it to happen...!
December came by real quick...not so good news...more doubts towards friendships... more denials by culprits... more pride...more friendships by new folks... Christmas hovering in the air...the thoughts of shopping...dampened by the thoughts of what had happened...the possible consequences...the fear...then hope because of Jesus...He is the only One who gives me hope. Everything lights up when I think about God, His Lordship, His awareness of our situation. All of this happened everyday, in my mind, playing with my thoughts...Our biggest comfort next to God, was the blessing of resources to be able to go to the mountains and spend our own time there, away from the negatives here. It was nice...a getaway of sorts...so peaceful...seemingly closer to God.
The ending of 2012 was almost dominated by the thoughts of what happened to Chris. That would have been a bummer. Why should major players in that event mark my end of my year? Why would characters who gave satan its heyday be given the privilege to mark my end of this year? NO! God would not allow that! God is love and He did exactly that to me and Chris just a few days before we ended this year. And just a few days before we blasted this heck of a year away, the Lord does something that would even mark the beginnings of new beginnings. New chapters of all family members in fact! Wow, God is so amazing!!! So now, when I think about those major characters in the CCF story that had happened, they appear dim now, pathetic, hopeless, so into this world. I still bank on God's vindication, someday...it will happen! Out with trash!
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